The Way I Used To Be

By Nina G

In terms of content, this book was not the easiest to read. The author, Amber Smith, starts the very first page with the main character, Eden, being raped by her older brothers best friend Kevin. It is written from Eden's point of view, so the reader gets to think, feel, and see what Eden does. The book goes on with Eden struggling to cope with what had just happened to her. Although she knows that she is supposed to tell someone, she doesn't. She continues to bury this secret deep down as time goes on. Throughout the book we see how this traumatic event has changed her, and how she has let it change her.

The book is divided into four sections, one for each year of high school. During freshman year, the year she was raped, the reader sees Eden lose her sense of self awareness and worth as she replays what happened over and over, becoming more distant from reality. Sophomore year Eden recreates herself, changing her physical appearance in attempt to become somebody else, somebody that wasn't weak and didn't let other people tell her what to do. Essentially, this was the start of a long path of bad decisions. The more time that passed after she had been raped, Eden resorted to more diminishing acts of "coping". She had gone from the little nerdy freshman, to the mean girl that slept around. Eden became very hostile towards people, even people who were kind to her. She acted out, sleeping with numerous boys that she had no relationships with, destroying friendships, and ruining any potentially good thing.

No matter how much time went by, she could not find an appropriate or proper way to cope with what had happened. There wasn't a single day that she didn't think about it. It was burned into her brain, no matter what, she couldn't get away from it. Kevin had taken away her innocence, and any chance she had at a normal high school experience. This book takes the reader with Eden on her long struggle, as she tries to find herself again after being raped at only fourteen years old.

I was hooked from the very beginning. I think the boldness of starting it off with the rape was very different than most things I've read, and it really got me interested. The author really gets the reader into Eden's mindset and it made it very easy to put yourself in her shoes. Although at times when Eden was at school, the kind of things that were happening to her didn't seem realistic. It was almost too stereotypical-nerd-girl for me to believe it. I'm in highschool, I know what goes on, I know what lunchrooms are like, and to me some parts just didn't cut it. While I was very interested in finding out if Eden ever did tell anyone what happened to her, I tended to get lost and a little bored throughout different parts of the story. Some of the content just didn't seem necessary, and it was almost like it dragged on and I wanted to skip over it. I didn't, and I'm glad. The book is very well written, so I think it was just me being impatient and anxious to find out what Eden was going to do next. Other than that, I don't have any complaints.

The Way I Used To Be is definitely not for everyone. The topic of the entire story could be touchy for some people, and that is understandable. I do recommend this to people who can handle the tough subject though. Rape is a persistent problem in society, and this story gets readers to understand how it can affect people. Although it is just a work of fiction and only one story, I think it can be very beneficial and have a positive affect. Hopefully it will encourage other people to speak up when something happens to them. This book definitely does not make my top list of fictional favorites, but I did enjoy reading it and I plan on reading more of Amber Smith's work.